If I Knew Then What I know Now

I found a little inspiration to add another entry tonight from my friend Melody Jones Cook.  She posted a picture of herself and another close friend, Barry from high school.  The photo is probably twenty-three years old but it kind of seems like yesterday.  When we look at pictures of ourselves from days gone by, it’s pretty common to think “if I knew then what I know now.”

Kids can be cruel.  That’s another common phrase.  My fifteen year old nephew is struggling quite a bit right now trying to find a place to fit in and also with the common obstacles that young people encounter.  I see a wonderful group of teens in our youth group at church who also face those issues.  Over the last twenty years peer pressure has become unbearable for our young people.  I suffered a lot myself at the hand of a few bullies in school, but nothing compared to what kids endure today.  Austin, my nephew is hearing impaired and as a Freshman in high school has yet to experience a single year in his academic career where he hasn’t been tortured by classmates with jokes, ridicule, etc.  So many kids experience this every day, even those who are not classified as “special needs.”

Youth violence has gotten ridiculous in the school system.  Back in the late 1990’s I did a lot of volunteer work with prevention.  You would think the Columbine shooting and other tragic events would change people. Shootings have still occurred, children are committing suicide at alarming rates and all we seem to do is talk about it and say how sad it seems.  I want to see us DO SOMETHING about it.  It starts with putting the golden rule back in our school systems.  We should be teaching character education and holding “bullies” accountable.  I don’t make any excuses for Austin’s behavior when he is at fault and I encourage him not to retaliate or act out against other students and I would certainly like to see parents of bullies teach their children not to victimize others just because they are different.  Shame on society for putting so much pressure on young people to the point all they think about is looking perfect, being popular, and losing their innocence.

I keep telling Austin, when you become an adult, you will find the place you fit in and the bad things that happened at school will not matter anymore.  I wish that were true in every circumstance, but the experiences young people have can change them forever.  I am so fortunate to have loving and wonderful friends who have been in my life for more than thirty years and for the new friends I try to make every day.  Still, looking back, if I knew then what I know now, I would have been kinder, gentler, and more thoughtful of each of my classmates.  If we ever intend on breaking this negative pattern, we have to put our heads together and make the effort to stimulate change.  As taxpayers and parents we have the right to hold educators accountable.  Regardless of “tenure” and “we’re not babysitter” attitudes, educators need to be held accountable for every aspect of their job just like the rest of us who work for a living.  Performance is based on a wide range of factors.  In addition to holding the educators accountable to higher standards, we have to implement discipline and responsibility at home. 

I am an advocate for making this world a better place because it is what God expects of us.  Maturity is a powerful tool.  For those of you who fall into that category with me, we ought to use our resources to bring about the necessary change for the future of our children and our world.

If we knew then, what we know now…we just might have brought about change a little sooner.  For all my amazing friends…thanks for the inspiration.  Be well!!

For The Sake Of The Child

If you asked most people they will tell you society has progressed and that in the grand scheme of things we are all so much better off than people were in the good old days.  An example of social progression is high tech communication.  I am the first to admit that because of email, Facebook, Twitter, etc, I am able to keep in touch with the people I love.  Also, let’s face it where would we be without cell phones.  Given these advances in innovation, openness to accept all races, religions and ways of life equally, you would think there would be nothing to complain about.  Wrong!

When I write, it is apparent I am opinionated.  I used to believe that fiction would be my favorite topic to pen, but more recently I find myself taking the opportunity to stand on a literary soapbox.  My current ill will is toward absentee parents.  I have a nephew who is currently fighting for his sanity and his life.  There are so many “left behind” children born to a generation of narcissists and I fear it is getting worse.

In America we enjoy the freedoms of liberty.  The pursuit of happiness without persecution or interference from unwanted militant forces, is our right given by God and the men and women who fight for this great nation.  My problem is that we have taken advantage of the free will bestowed upon us to the point that we no longer understand the true meaning of responsibility.

As a thirty-eight year old unmarried man with no children, the world is my oyster.  My decisions and pursuits can only harm me.  My accountability is to myself, especially if my actions do not threaten humanity or break laws.  This gives me the right to say I made this choice.  I chose individual freedom and responsibility for only myself.  The decisions I make are none of anyone’s business.  However, when a person makes the decision to give life to another being…a child, they give up the right to place themselves number one.  I don’t understand men and women who bring children into this life and then refuse to care for them, support them financially, sacrifice their own happiness, etc.  I applaud the parents I know who place their children’s needs above their own; however, there are too many “Moms “ and “Dads” out there who are nothing more than sperm and egg donors.

I see grandparents from the generation before ours taking on the role of parent because recent generations want to “live their own life.”  God have mercy on those who abandon their children for the sake of pursuing their own personal joy.  Futile attempts at second childhoods and social lives that can’t be interrupted by the rearing of their own offspring.

I have been called out before by friends who say to me “you don’t know what it is like to be a parent.”  I may not, but I know what it is like to be abandoned by a biological parent.  I can relate to the empty feeling that a child who must rely on grandparents, aunts and uncles, and others to feel the void left by selfish and never maturing sperm and egg donors.

All children have special needs.  The most important thing a child has the right to is a fresh and safe start in life.  A child deserves to grow up with love, support, and yes, discipline from both parents.  For those of you who love your children unconditionally and place their needs above your own, many stars you will find in your crown.  For those of you who place your own needs above your child, God have mercy on you.  You are wasting something that you will never get back.  Shame on us as a society when we allow ignoramuses to be rewarded with high tax returns, discounted tuition, food stamps, low rent, and welfare in the name of the very children they neglect!  For shame!

It’s not passing judgment when we are simply stating the facts.  And I digress….