Dear President Obama,
As a business professional, I have decided to apply for the position of Welfare Reform Czar. I give you my word that I will reach out to both Democrats and Republicans to bridge the differences to insure the United States provides for those in need without discrimination or bias. Here are my plans for improving the economy in America with a few adjustments to our current welfare program.
1. In secular employment, a prospective candidate must pass a drug screening prior to being offered a position with most companies, and is often subject to random testing after employment. Effective immediately all new applicants for welfare assistance will be required to pass a drug test. All current citizens receiving welfare assistance will have a 30 day window before random drug testing will begin. Once we begin random drug testing, a recipient will be notified by mail and must present themselves for testing within 72 hours in order to continue receiving benefits. This practice alone should reduce the national welfare budget considerably, don’t you think?
2. Single mothers who receive welfare benefits will have the opportunity to take advantage of a revamped “Welfare to Work” plan. Our new agency will hire the most qualified recipients in each county to serve as job placement consultants and actually help mothers find positions while their children are in school. Mothers who are able to find jobs to support themselves will actually enjoy free childcare. Therefore, the money the current welfare system has been paying them in a check to stay home and lay in bed with their boyfriends will go to fund government run daycares for their children, so they can join the workforce. The ambitious women can even go to school and learn trades which will help support their families. The ones with bad attitudes who do not like this new way can get jobs in the chicken plants and then we won’t need the illegal aliens from Mexico anymore. Either way, in order to receive benefits…they will be required to participate in the “Welfare to Work” plan. Some welfare recipients may even be able to get jobs running the actual daycares in turn receiving a salary and eliminating their need for a monthly check!
3. In order to reduce the costs of federally funded housing for the lower socioeconomic class, each “project” or HUD will be revamped. Low cost housing will still be available for those who can’t afford to get apartments or houses on their own, but stronger rules will apply. For example, curfews will be enforced, and there will be no sleepovers. That’s right….the single mother with three kids can’t let number 1, 2, or 3’s baby daddy come for an overnight conjugal visit. He will be required to obtain his own housing. Here in America we are more than happy to provide housing as low as $80 per month, but no more “shacking up” when you are taking advantage of the low rates. Now, if they want to get a job and baby daddy wants to get a job so they can pursue as much American freedom as they like without everyone else picking up the tab, that will be fine. Hey you know what, we could even put some of those people to work who are on welfare as the “project manager.” It will be their job to patrol the property and make sure at all times no one is violating the rules. Since they will be receiving a paycheck for this job and paying taxes on it, they will no longer need a welfare check…look here, saving even more. I bet baby Mama #2 might sign up for the job to manage the government housing where her ex is living with baby mama #3! This is Amazing stuff.
4. As the richest country in the world it is certainly our responsibility to take care of the disabled. In fact, if we manage the program just right and save money on all the false claims we can actually give cost of living increases more frequently to those who are truly mentally or physically disabled. How do we determine if someone truly deserves disability benefits? Those candidates who suffered injuries while actually working move to the front of the line. Once they have been diagnosed as disabled by two separate physicians, it’s pretty clear they should be taken care of. Unless we can find them non-physically demanding positions with the government, they should receive benefits right away. As for those who file for disability and have never worked, we need to examine the situation a little more closely. Of course drug tests need to be administered and a team of special “rehabilitating consultants” employed by the government should make every effort to find them a job that does not interfere with their disability. In fact, those I mentioned earlier who might have some physical impairment might want to work part time as a “rehabilitating consultant,” in order to help others. Those recipients who are hurt on the job and receive benefits and then later are able to work part time at jobs that do not interfere with their disability should not be penalized. Call it racial profiling, discrimination, whatever you like, but if a person never had a consistent work record or made an effort to overcome their disability, they should be subjected to additional scrutiny. I am qualified to serve as your Welfare Reform Czar, Mr. President. I have had several doctors advise me that I would have no problem receiving disability benefits due to the nature of my mental illness, however, for 20 years I have been gainfully employed and I will continue along that route as long as possible, including hopefully serving my country in this most needed position. For citizens sustaining injuries on the job, in the military, in an accident, or with a documented debilitating illness, they will be treated with the utmost respect and dignity.
5. Food stamps must immediately be regulated Mr. President. Did you know that my grandmother farmed all her life and when she became elderly, widowed and no longer able to farm she received $240 per month in social security, and $120 per month in food stamps? There are many out there with the same story. She gave $24 of the $240 to the local Church. She stretched the rest to pay her bills and get by. However, today there are people who didn’t work 45 years in the cotton fields, farms or mills who get as much as $500 per month in food stamps, but they trade the food stamps for cash! I think maybe they pay their cell phone bills with the cash. Some of them even go shopping at designer clothing stores, take cruises, and go to the casinos with the cash they get by trading their food stamps. Yep, President Obama, I once had a young able bodied female in her mid twenties offer me $500 in food stamps for $300 in cash. Here is my suggestion, let’s help the economy and those in need at the same time. If Suzy Q is approved for $300 in food stamps, we will send a voucher each month to the nearest grocery store to her house. They will provide her with the food on a daily, weekly or monthly basis however she chooses. This provides business for the local store and it also takes care of Suzy Q, and imagine this, she doesn’t have to even worry about being tempted to sell her food stamps. Now some may say, we are taking away her liberty…her independence, her right to choose where she shops. There’s a way she can get all that back…..she can get a job, or she can just simply say “thank you.”
Mr. President, I am just full of ideas of how we can prevent the demise of social security and welfare by regulating the system now and encouraging many of its recipients to go back to work. Also, imagine the votes you could get if you truly made an effort to reform the system paid for by the hard working people of America. Mr. President, this is the most prosperous nation in the world. It will only continue to be prosperous if we grow the middle class and stop trying to become so European. Benevolence is an attribute that God endorses and also expects. Surely with a little reform and control we can successfully take care of our own and teach the future leaders of America how to practice self responsibility.
I look forward to an interview as I know you are in agreement this country needs a strong business man or woman to reform a failing system
Best Regards,
Robert Gowens-Goodwin
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